Gemini Luv Deluxe. Who are they? Where did they came from? What, if they climbed on each others shoulders and stretched, would their collective height be?

First, let's separate the truths from the half-truths, the lies, the myths, and those things you say when you get plastered and really, REALLY regret afterwards. GLD were named after the kind of see-trough double dildo used so effectively in 'Curse Of The Catwoman': true, though they will occasionally make up a different story, just to keep things interesting. GLD prefer Choco Pops over Smacks: false, Smacks are da bomb, and you know it. The all-time favorite movie of GLD-members Younes and Younes is 'Clifford', starring Martin Short: true, they tend to watch it every other week. GLD-member Sebastiaan has full control over his bladder and colon: false, altough he probaby will deny it. GLD-member Ilia once had a one night stand with the ugly chick that drops mussels on dEUS in the video for 'Little Aritmethics': true, altough he probably will deny it, and so will she.

Was that helpful? Of course not. Don't be a fucking sap. In order to uncover the enigma that is Gemini Luv Deluxe, we shall now shed some light on the GLD-kids separately, though not too much on Sebastiaan, 'cause it will only frighten him, and he really isn't as cute as most girls seem to think anyway.

Younes Faltakh: A Tunesian prince who got banned from his home country because he'd rather watch an episode of 'Renegade' than feed and dress his hungry, naked people. They have bananas and bermuda shorts now, courtesy of Raouf Faltakh, his older brother. Younes sings and plays the guitar, but with his hands and mouth respectively, just because he likes doing it that way and is too old learn otherwise anyway. He's usually refered to as 'The Mysterious One', though occasionally someone will call him 'The One I Catched Trying To Steal My Bicycle Once'. Since he and fellow bandmember Jonas have similar names, you'd think people would get at least ONE of them right. Instead, they manage to call the boys either 'Youbes', 'Younis', Jonés' or, in a particularly traumatizing case, 'Chester Verreth'.

Jonas Govaerts: A strapping young lad who's typically Belgian last name is said to have kept GLD from stardom for many years. He therefore goes by many aliases, such as Bobby Jupiter, Aurelio D'Amato, Irvin Klaw and Boss Oriel. Nevertheless, most people just call him 'The Fat One'. He plays the guitar in a laughable, child-like manner, and has yet to learn his first chord. Like B.A. Baracus, he hates to fly, and is said never to stray from his territory in Antwerp, which stretches from The Muze all the way to The Fnac. He was once romantically linked to Roos Van Acker, but only in literal sense, since he handcuffed himself to her and said 'Tell me you love me or I'll swallow the key'. A tragic figure really, though if you ever find yourself in the position where you recognize an actor's face but you don't know from which movie, he's the one to call.

Sebastiaan Weyler: Descendant of the Weyler family, who's irresistable urge to procreate has already led to the birth of such despots as Maarten, Joost and Daan Weyler. He is the brother of the Castle Freak, Aagje With The Big Baloegas and Matlock Golfstick Daan. He has a huge nose, a snaggle tooth, a defective colon and the ears of an eighty-year-old, and still gets all the chicks. Let's just call him 'The Lucky One'. Wherever he goes, he makes friends instantly, who, the moment he leaves the room, forget his name and face. He usually sports the clothes of his girlfriend, thus torpedoing the GLD macho look the other members are so desperate to get across. He plays the bass guitar, which really isn't as difficult as he makes it look. After the show, he's the one people will come up to: 'Don't I know you from somewhere?' 'Yes, I was your bestest, bestest friend for, like, three minutes.' 'Whatever, wanna fuck?' 'Sure.'

Ilia Eckardt: Dubbed 'The Red Headed Giant' by his fellow-GLD members, Ilia remains the greatest enigma of all. He designs clothes, though he is not gay; he is impossible to wake from his sleep, though he will ocasionally shout out random sentences like 'This is not a hotel, you know!' while slumbering. He has a girl in every port, and therefore hates to travel by boat. Ilia is the show-off of the band, an excentric, if rather silent figure, who goes by the title 'The Grumpy One'. As you might have guessed, unless you are a fucking sap, he is the drummer in Gemini Luv Deluxe. He can be observed working at the Diesel shop on the Meir, a store he soon tends to drive out of business with his own clothing line, 'I"m Not Gay'.

Yeah, like that made things any clearer. What are you, a fucking SAP? Maybe these will help: some quotes the boys like to repeat over and over, preferably with horribly mismatched accents.

'It is no right for you to speak to him like that. He's a cat like us.'
Rocco Sifredi in 'Curse Of The Catwoman'.

'Fuckin' Quintana... That creep can roll, man.'
Jeff Bridges in 'The Big Lebowski'.

'Yes, what you mean?'
Borat in 'Da Ali G Show'.

'Bàngelijk!'
Bart in 'Big Brother' (eerste seizoen).

'DUIFJÈÈÈ! COOL.'
Nonkel in 'Big Brother' (tweede seizoen).

'A drink! For all my friends!'
Mickey Rourke in 'Barfly'.

'What -like a giant?'
Dermot Morgan in 'Father Ted'.

'Sheik? ...Sheik?'
Al Pacino in 'The Insider'.

'Nnnndanku.'
Videotheekuitbater in 'Movie Busters'.

'FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, BOY!'
Charles Grodin in 'Clifford'.

So, that's Gemini Luv Deluxe for ya. Puzzling the shit out of the saps. Time, dear readers, to ask yourself this question: Iz You One?